Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
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