Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
