i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
