it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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