oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
