i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
