Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
