just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
