yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
