Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
