I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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