Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just pee around me
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
