I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
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Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
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Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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