her vagina looked like bernie madoff
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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