he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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