my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
she smelled like a LAN party
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
