my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
