my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
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He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
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The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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