Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
