Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I want to make a zoo with you.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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