how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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