a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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