god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
