My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
