dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
