Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
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I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
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I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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