Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
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