Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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