Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
