I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
be right there i have to get my cape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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