Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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