If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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