I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
