so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
