I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
