My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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