just come out here and I will go home with you...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
