Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
