Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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