I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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