i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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