you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Drake has all the answers
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
