If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
