So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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