I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
