He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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