Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
