my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
