our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
