I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
What drink are we having for lunch?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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