he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
