i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
