so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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