I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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