Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
If I die, sorry about rent.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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