you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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