he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
