dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
