Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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