Umm I'm too high to move.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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