Dude my mom stole all your condoms
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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