He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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