you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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