I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
