Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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