just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
