Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
