Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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