If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
