fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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