Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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