So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
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i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
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Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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