having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I have fence marks all over my body
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
