Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
