have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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