addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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