i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
