goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
