Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
