he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
