Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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