Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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