Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
