Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
