I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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