Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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